Marry Your Best Self

I am reading the book Optimal Thinking – How to Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman.
Let me tell you, this is not an easy read! Optimal (not positive, which often becomes wishful) thinking is a lot of work. I am reading and re-reading the whole chapters…The book encourages a close and hard reexamination of all areas of one’s life, and it is painful… There are some areas of my life that are far from perfect and I may not be always ready or willing to admit to it. You can imagine that it drives me nuts. It makes me depressed one moment – hopeful the next. While I am reading it; and my positive voice and my negative voice shout over each other in my head, this brilliant idea just jumps at me:” “Marry Your Best Self”.
Ms Glickman talks about the importance of self-esteem, about visualizing positive self-image she comes up with this amazing exercise.
Here it goes:
“Below is an adaptation of a portion of the sacred marriage vows between husband and wife…
Will you permit your best self to be your internal caretaker, to live together in the estate of inner matrimony? Will you allow your best self to love you, honor you, comfort you, and keep you, in sickness and in health; and be true to you as long as you both shall live?
If you answer yes, please proceed.
I hereby empower my best self to be my internal caretaker to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.
“By accepting yourself unconditionally – regardless of where you are in your journey toward becoming all you can envision – and choosing the wisest path in the present moment, you are maximizing your self-esteem!”
Am I ready to marry my best self? I am, but it won’t happen overnight.

Weight Loss: Stages of change - Action

OK, we are finally coming to the point when we are ready to bit the bullet and spring into action.
You are starting this phase with renewed commitment to weight loss.
You made all the necessary preparations
You know that cheap change won't do - only the hard work!
You know there is no "magic bullet" - you will try to employ all the techniques and processes you've learned about and reach for all the support you can get from friends and family!
You will let go of old coping mechanisms, all the situations the led you to overeating and develop new habit

Even though the success is never guaranteed, utilizing tool at your disposal will help you avoid the usual pitfalls and traps.
When you are dieting, and you are experiencing a "snack attack", try to employ a countering and counterthinking and environment control and reward techniques.
The countering techniques are:

1) Active diversion:

Piano playing, crossword puzzle, knitting, walking, reading, calling a friend on a phone all constitute a good active diversion from eating.
You can come up with a few of your own!

2) Exercise

you know it is good for you and should be a part of your weight loss program in a first place!

3) Relaxation

We are all emotional eaters! Relaxing, putting your mind at ease can eliminate the desire of snacking as it eliminate the reason my we reach out for food when we are not hungry!!!
Relaxation can have other, very desirable, side effects such as increased energy, decreased blood pressure and muscle tension, decreased anxiety, improved sleep, improved concentration and overall health!

4) The counterthinking :

Eliminating self-deprecation thoughts that lead to anxiety by more positive and constructive thoughts. Instead of thinking "Everybody must love me" think "what is the worst can happen if some of my husband's new friends won't take note of me?" Instead of "I hate eating food that don't taste good" think "I like how the thin feels!" You get the drift! The anxiety induced craving should subside when you think that way!

The environment control techniques are:
1) Avoidance
We already talked about avoiding known situations in which your need to overeat is hard to control. You can't be a member of the Baker of the Month contest and be on a hard carb-limiting diet!
2) Cues
You can't avoid the situations in which you overeat forever. Eventually you'll be forced by life in one of those, so you better be prepared. A good prep for trigger inducing situations is to play the scenarios in your mind! Use your imagination to create a event and work out your reactions in advance! This sounds like a child play, but it works!


The reward techniques are:

Whenever you successfully resisted the temptation, give yourself a reward! Give yourself a pep talk for a job well done, take yourself on a shopping trip once you achieved you weight loss milestone! if As easy as it sounds some people have a problem rewarding themselves - you can even save up the money by not eating Three Musketeers every afternoon and give these money to charities, if that feels less selfish to you! Reward yourself by giving to others!The positive reinforcement of good behavior puts you on the road to weight loss for good!

Stages of Change - Preparation

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There is a subtle but a very important stage between contemplation and action the presence or absence of which can really make or break the effort to change. This stage is preparation.
I see a lot people I try to help to lose weight jumping onto a good system without being really prepared for it. Needless to say it leads to delaying the action in the best case, and disappointment in the worst.

Preparation is a lot like contemplation but a lot more forward looking, with focus on the future you.
It involves careful planning, positive self re-evaluation and commitment.

In the preparation stage we start to turn away from the past. Letting go of the activities and circumstances that lead us to overeating, like eating while in an depressed state, changing hobbies - picking up knitting instead of baking, finding new fiends who enjoy exercising and healthy eating.

Also in this stage it is important to insure support of your family.You need to explain to them that you decided to get fit and lose some weight in the process and it will require certain investment of time and resources as well as some changes in the usual routine.

During the preparation stage:

- Take small steps:

Details are important: buy exercise clothes or a set of measuring cups or a small scale for your kitchen, or any other logistics that you need for the weight loos program you selected. There is an excitement in little steps like this that build up for the big day! Speaking of date...

- Set a date.

Once you feel ready - set a date within a month, not longer so that your excitement does not wear out.
Once you set the date - stick to it - no excuses!


- Go public:

Announce your decision to lose weight to people in your daily life. That includes work, and people outside your family. That will helps you stay accountable and won't keep your colleagues and friends guessing.

- Treat your change as a major event:

Yes, it is as if you had an appointment for a serious operation. It is that important and will require all the emotional energy you can master!

- Create your own plan of action:

You can borrow other people plans but you must adapt it for yourself. Learn from other people plans of actions but don't follow them blindly. If the program requires you to workout on empty stomach and you are not a morning person, come up with a plan on doing the afternoon workout that will allow you to comply with the recommendation. If you are following a diet plan from a book but are vegetation, make appropriate substitutes. If the program call for a 2 day fast and you don't like to fast - find out if fast is mandatory!

- Commit to your plan!

Commitment is a "willingness to act, but also a belief in your ability to change, which in turn reinforces your will."* You evaluated your problem, worked through pros and cons of losing weight and honestly believe that your life will be enhanced by losing weight! Keeping in mind all of the above, you are ready for action!

Stages of Change - Contemplation

Transition from denial to contemplation stage of the change happens quietly, but once it happens you find yourself listening to people that offer you their advice for losing weight. You don’t switch the channel if the commercial is about some piece of exercise equipment; you find yourself picking a copy of Fitness magazine in the hair salon and actually reading it with interest!

This is an important stage to educate yourself about your weight loss, and design a strategy.
Things to beware in that stage:

- Avoid wishful thinking: wishing you could achieve your weight and fitness goal without having to change.
We all wish for a diet pill that would allow us sleep in and eat from sunrise to sunset and be in ideal shape. There is not such diet, so stop day dreaming and get to it!

- Don’t jump into action:
The rush to act may turn against you. You need to do a certain amount of prep before you are ready. Starting a diet without really committing to change may lead to a conclusion that "dieting is really not for me". Keep in mind: you cannot successfully diet and still be on your baking recipe circle or your bacon tasting club. Prepare a ground for yourself: insure support of your family, clean up your house of junk food and insure support of people who are successful at getting their diet under control.

- Don’t get into analysis paralysis. This is another extreme: trying to acquire a perfect understanding of you weight problem and perfect solution!
Some people take forever to learn everything there is to learn about the weight loss and can't commit to any program while waiting for a in depth understanding of the issue. While theoretical knowledge about various diets is good, you will not know what work for you until you try! So, get your feet wet, already!

- Don’t wait for magic moment to start the weight loss program: while some circumstances are less then ideal, like starting a new job, moving to another city, starting a new relationship, when you are handling way too much on your plate, there isn't a perfect moment to start a new regiment, so once you got your plan together - go for it!